I gotta work on that…
I don’t know myself. And it frustrates me. I’m sweet, I’m sour, I’m ugly, I’m negative, I’m angry, I’m happy, I’m gleeful, I’m dancing, I’m singing, I’m ignorant, I’m peaceful, I’m dippy, I am highly intelligent. I am not quiet, I am loud- have an obnoxious boisterous laugh that is never, ever the same on any given day. I am serious, I am lazy, I am patient, I am gorgeous; inside and out, I have no energy, I am overly sensitive, I am self-confident, I am sleepy, I am scared, I am lonely, I am disgusted, I am hollow, I am compassionate, I am understanding, I am creative, I am hopeful, I am a slob, I am stressed out, I want to help, I am organized, I want to tell everyone to screw off, I am bursting with love in my heart, I am silly, I am intolerant, I am judgmental, I am a leader, I am open-minded, I am nurturing, I’m crabby, I am carefree, I have not an ounce of self-esteem, I am positive, I curse more often than not, ….
Who am I? Most of the time the rotten feelings are locked inside. Other times, they rear their ugly head – - when I drive, I trash talk a lot (paying no mind to whether the kids are in the car or not). Just when I think I’m on the right track, I’m flying high- I am patient, energized, and feel on top of my game, and quite possibly even have things figured out. There goes the wind in my sail. WHAT happened to that awesome chick? Where did she go? I WANT HER BACK!!! And, I’m damn sure my huz wants her back too!!!
I think the days when I am feeling all of the lows, it’s because I’m trying to control people, places, and things around me. I forget for a bit that the only one I can control is me. I’m forgetting to be kind to myself. I’m forgetting that I’m human and so are those around me. I’m forgetting that I’m flawed.
I AM FORGETTING ALL OF THOSE LIFE LESSONS I HAD TO LEARN THE HARD WAY.
Please Lord, help me to remember. Maybe I should get a tattoo on my hand that says, “Be Nice”. Not only to those around me, but also to myself. I’m pretty sure it all comes down to me. I gotta work on that.
One of the things I have found out about myself is that I do not handle situations where I am not in control well AT ALL. Like when you are trying to coordinate an activity with 10 different family members… I can’t take it. I have no patience.
I hope we both can remember
I hear you! Me tooooooo
I’ve been working on a post that relates to all this same sh*t. Funny how when I read it in relation to you it sounds attractive:) I like complicated people who keep me wondering what they’ll do next! And the funniest is that I’ve considered getting words tattooed on my arms or hands, too, to remember important stuff:)
I wish I weren’t complicated. It bugs me. I want to be a “pillar” of strength not a flighty twit. Sometimes I am filled with such turmoil. Ick. But, I thank you for hangn’ in there with me while I try to sort my shiznit out! I was being serious about the tat too! No shit! “BE NICE” – cuz, sometimes that is definitely not where my mind goes first
I do know myself. And that is the truly scary thing.
Personally, I think you are lucky. My huz is that way. He is very confident- that’s sexy Evyl! xoxoxo
“I think the days when I am feeling all of the lows, it’s because I’m trying to control people, places, and things around me. I forget for a bit that the only one I can control is me.”
How did you read my thoughts so exactly?
It took a shrink to help me figure that one out. I never used to realize my need to control things. Now that I’m aware of it, I do the same as you and forget sometimes. I need reminders too. Great post!
Girl, I was a controller too, for so long that I didn’t even know why things were panning out for me… I saw a therapist a while ago and she helped me to see the same thing. Thank goodness we are able to get help and change otherwise, I’d still be pretty miserable sometimes and not know why or why these things kept happening to me…. so, good for you and good for me too
It’s easy to be hard on ourselves…i know i am..sometimes i forget that if i’m not nice to me it’s difficult to be nice to others….i have the same theory about liking myself…if i don’t like me, why the hell should anyone else?
Having said that, I do like me…I just don’t give a shit if others do or not is the thing that brings me undone
I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I have always been the opposite and where did it get me? I’m 38 and still trying not to get burned. There is middle ground, that’s what I’m aiming for. I don’t want to be a doormat, but I also want to be more compassionate. Sometimes, I have no patience for other’s stupidity… and who knows what they are going through?
i think it’s easier to be nice to other people than it is to be nice to ourselves. loved this post jq!
Ya know what though, notice when you say to a co-worker, “Oh, I love your skirt” and she says, “Oh, this old thing, it doesn’t look good, it’s all old and wrinkly” – when they should say, “Thank you” and feel good about themselves because I didn’t say it just for the heck of it, I said it because I meant it. I DO THE SAME THING. So, I’ve learned I need to also be nice to myself. Or who else is going to do it for me? My huz? No, he’s my bff, but he doesn’t blow sunshine up my ass 24/7 – so yeah, I gotta look out for me too
Thanks Ria!
Wow – I could have typed this post! Be nice….even to myself….what a great reminder!
Gosh, it does make me feel better knowing I’m not alone. So, thanks for coming by and taking the time to comment, I really appreciate it! Glad it helped you…
Ok I swear I did NOT post that twice….but it was kind of funny cuz somebody else mentioned an echo. That so connected but was not intentional..my computer was all shitzing out on me this am and I in my not having enough coffee to be patient must have submitted it twice twice!
sorry!
but hey yeah I’m dittoing what joan says…I can be nice unless I get it in the back or whatever and then it’s like GAME ON BEYOTCHES! I can roll in the mudd with the best of them
Me too because every time I try try try to be so patient and forgiving, and also- remembering that we are all just human and all that good crap- I swear, someone just stabs me in the back here. Or gets an attitude – I can be sensitive sometimes…. – then I turn on my armor and act like a hard ass when the truth is I am a very nice person. I need to find the balance, the “medium”- Where I am not letting someone walk all over me (like at the Sprint store) or posting basically a big F BOMB on my blog about some shit head that comments about my feelings and doesn’t even know me or my story. Where is that medium, well- there it is! I see it, I can achieve it at times but I just can’t seem to get there permanently… dangit!
Yes, be nice to yourself is the first step. If you aren’t nice to yourself it’s hard to be nice to others. It’s all well and good to say “Oh, I do so much for everyone” but none of that really matters if you aren’t nice to yourself. I, personally, at least nowadays, am finally thinking of myself first and I don’t feel selfish about it at all. My therapist said I could do that. Ha! Ha!
As soon as I heard that I decided I am Numero Uno!!
Now that we have that clear I can be nice to everyone around me unless you screw with me and then you are toast.
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Numero Uno- That should be your blog title! and the tag line, “I can be nice to everyone around me unless you screw with me… and then you are toast”. Joan, Joan, Joan…. my therapist taught me the very same thing and I’m thankful every day that I had her in my life to set me straight!
“How to Be Your Own Best Friend” was a tiny little self-help book published back in the ’70s. It was good advice.
“Be nice” is good advice too, most of the time. Life being what it is, though, being nice 100% of the time would probably give you an ulcer. (And it would make deadly boring reading!)
I’d just like to be more even keeled. I’ve always been somewhat of a little roller coaster of emotions. Not minute to minute, but day to day- I really don’t like that about myself. I wonder if I have the capability of being nice all the time? Muah-ha-ha! Most likely, not. Have no fear
Excellent point, Anne. (I’m as guilty as anybody, but I exercise the don’t speak idea…walk away after growling slightly.) By the way, could ya slip me the password to your protected posts?
Thanks,
Shady
Thank you Shady!!! I have got to get a grip on this once and for all. I’ve come such a long way in the last, say, 15-20 years but I just cannot seem to learn from this one lesson…. I will, I’m determined now. and yes, I’ll email you shortly! Thanks!
Awesome. That is a great tattoo we should ALL get! I’m still finding myself too and sometimes I don’t like what I find. But other times, when I’m not concerning myself with it all, those seem to be the times that I’m okay with myself at the end of the day. Weird.
Meeeeeeee to! I think this is key. I have to learn to worry about myself. True. True.
Well being nice all the time would be soooo tame … feisty is good sometimes!
Yeah, I’m thinking that would be totally unrealistic. Ya can’t take a firecracker like me and have total reform. There will always be a fire, but I’d love to get some control over it. I can spaz out sometimes….
wow …that’s a great reminder post to examine ourselves on a daily basis. I LOVE that post!
……….ok now about the tattoo…of “be nice” on your hand. I’ve given you the rules of tattoos and I’m pretty sure you would regret that one when you have to bitch slap somebody with that hand!
….dude..you did NOT think you could post that part and not get me laughing???? I’m thinking about your “be nice” implanted on the forehead of some dumb schmuck!
HA! True. Cuz I will still have my moments. I just thought it could be like a little reminder…. OH, LOL permanently implaned on some bitches head after I backhanded her but in stead of it be nice it would read, “be nice” backwards,…”ecin eb”
Muah-ha-ha-ha-!!!!
ECHO, Echo, echoooooooo
Nice to know I’m not alone….