Where I am From

Inspired by Red. I wrote about, Where I am From: A beautiful poem originally written by George Ella Lyon.

Here she goes:

I am from fragrant pink and red peonies lining the sidewalk of a large and loving home.

I am from a front porch where I could sit and watch a storm, I am from baby doll’s and Corgi Cars, Swing sets, sandboxes, and tether ball. I am from Comet and Silver Polish.

I am from the Northern Cardinal State in a town known for sweet-smelling Lilac Bushes that has permanently pervaded my lungs.

I am from the aloe vera plant, the tall perfectly squared hedges that line the entire front yard. I am from the giant glorious weeping willows that burst like a 4th of July fireworks display. I am from a Madison Street garden plot where nourishment grew.

I am from Fish Lake every summer; cookouts, swimming, and fishing. I am from Catholic Church every Sunday morning, I am from Hank and Plum. I am from Easter dresses with knee high socks worn with white shiny sandals feeling beautiful and extremely special with each step.

I am from a hand made monogrammed brown terry cloth robe which could never be forgotten.

I am from non-confrontation, bathroom humor, and the knowledge of having back-up. If you mess with one of us, you mess with us all.

I am from “you can be anything you want when you grow up.” and “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say it at all.”

I am from Christianity always. Walking every week to Catechism Class and working diligently in religious workbooks. After some hurt, pain, and recovery I am learning to trust religion again.

I am from World War I and II stories, I am from Germany. I am from pasta, lasagna, and chili mac.

I am from a father who use to tease my mother about her bunny slippers and that’s how she got her nickname, “Bunny”, “Bun”, or “Grandma Bun”.

I am from a grandfather who always had a stash of Fannie May or Hershey chocolate in the basement for the taking when we were there to clean house.

I am from a black crow whittled from a piece of wood, I am from old paintings from talented artists, I am from my mother’s personal diaries written while she dated my father, an enamel and silver bracelet bought on a Canadian fishing trip when my parents were first married, I am a Fisher Price doll by the name of Annie and a stuffed monkey that sucked his thumb named Joey. I am a pink and blue teddy bear that kept me company when I was little and in the hospital. I’ll cherish these things forever.

I am from picking up sticks, raking leaves, ghost in the graveyard, throwing shoes on the landing, playing bad mitten and softball, and pitching a baseball into the stairs when nobody wanted to play.

I am from love, from my very own personal community of warmth, a child of God, and blessed to be from where I came from.

 

My Oldest Son,… and Confession Time…

Last night I got the first Mother’s Day present ever, that I didn’t actually pay for myself. It’s not a money thing, it’s more of a, a, well, a “This is weird and pleasantly surprising” type of thing. ALL NEW TO ME. It’s just that my 16 year old son, who recently got a job, went out and bought me a gift and card on his own. Drove himself to a store, with ME in mind, and I didn’t know about it. Hence, the pleasant, weird, surprise. FABULOUS!

He gave it to me early because I had to work tonight and he has to go to work early morning also, so now the son and I are also like two ships passing in the night… Anywho, he asks me if he can give it to me early? I said, “Are you kidding me? I’d never turn down a prezzie, you know that.” *wink*

It was the most BEAUTIFUL card he picked out with his own tender sentiments hand written. Along with it, a box of FANNIE MAY Pixies. (*It’s an Illinois thing, a “chocolate thing”, an ILLINOIS CHOCOLATE thing, *and for all you suckers out there that think you know what chocolate is, I feel for you). Sorry to sound so cavalier but you really don’t know what chocolate is until you’ve had a piece from Fannie May. Mmmmmm…… It’s the real deal.

Pixies; our most popular candy combines the decadence of rich caramel, luscious chocolate and crunchy pecans for a taste that’s made Fannie May® a true classic.

Also, the other night, the husband asked Dave to borrow some cash for Portillo’s night (again, another Illinois thing…the shit is so good you can order it from their website and have it delivered, so if you don’t believe me on how good it is, order yourself up some *a-hem, update: they have now spread to California?? Whoah Nellie, they better get that shit on the East Coast so my sissy can stop having withdrawals). He gave the husband $70- and told him to keep it.., “For all the gas I use and the money you give me to go out” he said.

How nice is it to have a child that does the right thing without even having to ask? He’s always been that way though. I have never once had to nag him to take a shower, or get up for school. He sets his own alarm, etc. Dave is self-reliant and has always had a sense of humor way beyond his years. I’m proud of him. He’s gotten quite tall- he passed up the old man and I have a feeling he’ll be as tall as my father was (6′2″) which is mighty big compared to shorty and I. (Scott’s 5′6″ and I’m 5′4″). *Have I lost you? Yeah, this is a rambling post that’s going nowhere fast… So sorry.

I am feeling rather good. Tired. It’s nearly 3a.m. now and I just cannot wait to get out of here. I think I will take Cozmo to the dog park if it’s nice when I get off from work. He was a little naughty yesterday and I think he needs to run it off

It’s confession time *notice how I put this little diddy at the end, hoping you were tired of reading how tall we are, you might just have exited out of here by now* : I have gained weight! Let’s see, I lost 15 since November and feel like in the last month my eating has been out of control. I mean, is it normal to eat 4 Heath bars in one sitting *and in record time I might add*??? What the heck is wrong with me? I gotta stop. 4 candy bars may seem like an atrocity to some, but I’m not even feeling SICK afterwards. Maybe a little lethargic, but not sick to my stomach. Not to mention my 12 year old son has ME addicted to Coke Slurpee’s now, when did that start? You should see the two of us. Like two little dope fiends. Jeez!

I’ve realized. I’m addicted to food, to eating. I need to get this under control once and for all. I’m the yo-yo lady, yup - up and down for the last 16 years! Everyone has their vice, right? Well, bingo! Mine is eating, FOOOOOD! I wish it weren’t but I have to face the facts, if it wasn’t food, I’d be doing something else, like buying purses, or drinking, or smoking, something for sure. I have an addictive personality

Food addiction sucks, because you have to EAT. You have to prepare it, it’s all around. People use it to celebrate, use it as an emotional crutch, they don’t call it the “big white psychiatrist” for nothing. Shoooooooot! Today is Mother’s Day, so I don’t plan on changing my ways today. I plan on enjoying me some good (not good for ‘ya) food and chillax’n with no guilt. No beating myself up.

However, Monday… I am going to re-commit to living a healthy life. I want to EAT to LIVE. Not live to eat, which is what I’ve done. It’s how I handle stress, it makes me feel good (fat and happy), it gives me power, and whenever someone tells me, “You know, we could join weight watchers together?” It sets me into a tailspin of binge eating. It’s like that person is JUST TRYING TO HELP from such a pure place in their heart but some how my wiring goes awry and, to me, it’s “telling me what to do” and back there in a dark place, it must sound like this, “What, I’m not good enough if I’m fat?” or “I’ll show you what FAT IS!” or “So, you’ll like me better if I’m perfect but I have no value right now being this weight?” or, “You are so much prettier when you lose the weight!” GAH! The torture that I put myself through…

I don’t need someone to tell me what I need to do. I know what I have to do. I have to love myself for the first time in my life, for real, and want the best things in life for myself. I’m worthy. I CAN do this. I want to do this.

It’s not going to be easy, but who said life was?

Ahhh, I feel better that I got that all out

So, Monday, May 12, 2010 2008 is the day. The first day of the rest of my life *smiles*

 

What My Mom Means to Me

My mother is my world. I’ve been in love with her all my life. When I was little, I said, “I am never leaving you mom” to which she said (laughing), “Can I get that in writing?”. I use to tell her that I wanted to marry her when I grow up! I remember thinking that if she was ever about to fall I’d run and dive underneath her to break her fall. When Vicki G. called my mom “fat”,  I beat her up. When I was little, I would worry that my mom would die, even just the thought of that could bring me to tears. When I was little, if I ever did anything to upset my mom, after being sent to my room, I’d sneak up on her crying, and tell her with a quivering lower lip how sorry I was for being naughty. Just knowing she was disappointed in me made me feel horrible. When I was little, I would tell people that my mom was a nurse, a doctor, a seamstress, a cook, etc. and I really thought she was! As a teenager, she would randomly ask me to come and sit in her lap so she could rock me.

What could make a child love her mother so much?

I’ll tell you:

• My mother LOVED me. I never felt “unloved” a day in my life.
• I knew I was loved by the things she did for me, but she also took the time to say, “I love you”.
• She gave me loads of hugs and kisses.
• She use to sing a song, and put my name in it~ I thought it was all about me. I can still sing that song today.
• She didn’t have a fancy car, house, or belongings but gave me all the love I’d ever need.
• She went without so that we could have.
• She was a doctor
• She was a nurse
• She was a seamstress
• She was a cook
• She was a writer
• She was an artist
• She was a joke teller
• She was a chauffeur
• An accountant
• She was a laundromat and a dry cleaners
• She was a dishwasher
• She was a plumber
• She was an answering service
• She taught us to treat others the way we’d want to be treated.
• She was our spiritual adviser.
• She was an excellent example of what a wife and mother should be.
• She was an arbitrator

My mother, is the proud mother of 12 children. 7 girls and 5 boys. She and my father were married for 52 years until he passed away December of ‘04. If you do the math you’ll see if you break it down she was actually pregnant for 9 straight years of her life.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my mom. I’d give my life for her. I will be her protector, her advocate, her best friend for life. There aren’t enough words in this world to tell you what she means to me. She is my center, my core, my rock. She is surrounded by love and it’s easy to see why. She is the best mother in the world, and she’s all mine

 

How pure are you?

Like a good friend always told me, “JQ, you look good, but you ‘aint NO good!” Seriously, was it something I said?   How pure are you?

 

Friday Fill-Ins

Friday May 9th, 2008

What do you get when you have a JavaQueen high on caffeine? You get a new meme! I just had to fill in some blanks to complete the sentences, easy peasy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. The fart had an extra secret ingredient; it was cauliflower!
2. I hear noisy landscapers through my window. *Don’t they realize I sleep during the day?, DUH!
3. Right now, I need sleep, but it will have to wait 5 more hours.
4. Work is where I went Thursday night; it was actually fun, I have awesome co-workers!
5. Why does p.m.s hurt so much?
6. All I can think of is the ticking of the clock.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to more work, tomorrow my plans include yet more work and Sunday, I want to catch up on some Zzzzzz’s!

* Oh peeps! Don’t hate! I know, I live a life of pure excitement What are your big plans this weekend?  Please tell me you are going to have more fun than me!

 

People Divided.

Much has been made of Barack’s involvement with Trinity United Church of Christ. While I believe he has the right to attend the church of his choice, I will say it bothers me that it’s a racist church. Yes, I said it is a racist church. It bothers me on such a deep level. I was thinking about this particular church and what damage it must do, especially to the youth that that attend.

Can you imagine the messages they’re being sold? And at 8,000+ members strong, they are lining up to buy into it.   It’s just continuing to spread ignorance and racism. What outlook does that child have at a fair future? If you are teaching your children as youngsters that this country has no place or respect for them “It’s the land of opportunity for whites only” I cannot even begin to imagine how I would feel growing up to have those messages repeatedly pushed on me. These children are going to grow up completely paranoid and feeling attacked before they ever get out into this world to find out that all Whites, Indians, Asians, Hispanics, are NOT hate mongers, who didn’t own slaves, who feel bad for the plight that their people have gone through, who do not feel they are any better than them, etc. They are growing up with a sense of “being attacked”. It’s brainwashing.

I do not know of one single white person (or any other race for that matter) who thinks/thought that the enslavement of blacks was a good thing. Not one. It just makes me sad that innocent children are being raised and sold this bill of goods. They are so young and impressionable.

Really, it does make me sad. This whole church and those like it are only continuing to divide people. People, we are all simply “People”. This is so contrary to Dr. Martin Luther Kings message expressing his desire that his children would grow up in a nation in which people would be judged by the content of their character, not the color of their skin.

I saw on Oprah years ago, a show on slavery that brought me to tears. She showed a picture of a slave up, literally standing on an auction block- and it hit me like a mac truck - the severity of it all. What human being in this day and age would ever find that acceptable? It’s a horrifying concept. I don’t know why slavery ever began? I feel badly when it comes to mind, I also cry over history of abuses in many other cases. Many races have suffered throughout history. At the heart of me, today and always, I believe we are all the same, and connected regardless of color.

So why wold anyone sit in that church? A “church” where they are still dredging it up, sticking it in peoples faces. Yes, remember your roots, we ALL have them, but dwelling on the negative aspects of them and still trying to punish the people of today for the atrocities of yesteryear is not going to solve a thing. These kids attending said church should be learning about God’s love and be encouraged to live, and let live. Learn the Lord’s message of life and love. Not taught that everyone is out to get them.

Here’s a little blurb from The Trinity United Church of Christ (just the mission statement mind you; not the hundreds of video clips of this maniac preacher):

Mission Statement: What Trinity Is About

Trinity United Church of Christ has been called by God to be a congregation that is not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ and that does not apologize for its African roots! As a congregation of baptized believers, we are called to be agents of liberation not only for the oppressed, but for all of God’s family. We, as a church family, acknowledge, that we will, building on this affirmation of “who we are” and “whose we are,” call men, women, boys and girls to the liberating love of Jesus Christ, inviting them to become a part of the church universal, responding to Jesus’ command that we go into all the world and make disciples!

We are called out to be “a chosen people” that pays no attention to socio-economic or educational backgrounds. We are made up of the highly educated and the uneducated. Our congregation is a combination of the haves and the have-nots; the economically disadvantaged, the under-class, the unemployed and the employable.

The fortunate who are among us combine forces with the less fortunate to become agents of change for God who is not pleased with America’s economic mal-distribution!

W.E.B. DuBois indicated that the problem in the 20th century was going to be the problem of the color line. He was absolutely correct. Our job as servants of God is to address that problem and eradicate it in the name of Him who came for the whole world by calling all men, women, boys and girls to Christ.

*Who, in this day and age has asked them to apologize for their African roots? I guess I’m saying that for every person who IS racist and hates on different ethnicities and cultures - there are many more who don’t see color and judge the person by their inner self and appreciate the differences.

Why would these churches be harping on these issues? Maybe because they (the likes of Rev. Dr. Jeremiah A. Wright, Jr) see a change in our country and are afraid that their bread and butter will leave, realize that they are accepted, loved, and embraced and they can forge ahead to blaze a new trail, leaving their hate mongering preacher behind? Church can be big business, and with more than 8,000+ members this guy is preaching nothing more than propaganda.

Too bad we cannot unite. With Pakistand and N. Korea selling nuclear technology and finding cooperation from those near, we need to focus on our country, our people, our safety. There are people dying to kill us off with weapons of mass destruction. And, they don’t care what color you are, they just want to kill AMERICANS.

It’s just a thought.

I’m not a very political person. I just know this subject has boggled my mind forever. The great divide of race and why it seems to be moving at a snail’s pace to get better?  If you see racism, speak out- it’s not acceptable. It’s everywhere (no one is immune) and we should be teaching love not hate if we want to move forward.

As far as Barack is concerned, I think he should have cut all ties from this so called “church” the minute the racism messages were being sent. I think it’s an insult to American’s intelligence that he claims to not have known about the racism in his church. HIS church, of 20 years? Can you say, “selective hearing?”.

I wonder what he was thinking all those years of sitting through those sermons?

 

American Idol from Tues. 5/6

The final 4 and how I see it going down. The first to be elimated tonight (Weds) is going to have to be Jason Castro.

Sorry, you are good, and there IS a market for your unique voice and skills- however, something changed and you are not meshing any longer. So long blue eyes, I’ll miss you but when you release an album, I will buy it!

Next to go will be Syesha:

Her performance was excellent and actually blew me away. I will be the first to admit here, I underestimated her early on in the competition and thought she was a knock-off Whitney Houston. I was wrong. She’s pretty good. She’s just not as well received as the two last (but not least) boys below:

David Archuleta will be runner up I believe:

The first song he sand BLEW ME AWAY. A voice so pure and powerful- Stand by me. Gorgeous. When he sang, it was with such conviction, you actually see a story that he’s telling, and you believe him! Now, on the second song, Elvis, Love me tender, uh, no! Ewwww, NO! I’m a huge Elvis fanatic and it was just all wrong. To me, there is only one man to sing that song…. The judges musta been on crack giving him mad props for crushing the competition on the second song, but whatever floats your boat Simon….

My pick for A.I. this year will be David Cook:

His first song was actually kind of boring- Duran Duran, Hungry Like the Wolf. His second song was not that great to me either. Very lack luster. You know, I am reversing the order I guess at this point I will stick with my game plan for now. But David Cook better pick it up and pretend to be more humble because otherwise sweet, innocent, doe eyed David Archuleta is going to walk off with the prize. Seriously, he is just so grateful to be there and I think that is what is actually going to have him being the next, American Idol.

Step it up David Cook, or I’ll have to change my order

Shooot! I gotta go to bed. Cannot wait for tonights show! Sadly, I do believe Jason is going home. Sorry Odette, he’s adorable I wholeheartedly agree, but he has to go- the show must go on

IF YOU ARE AN A.I. FAN, PLEASE TELL US WHO YOU THINK IS GOING NEXT AND WHY?  HOW DO YOU THINK THIS IS GOING TO PLAY OUT?  C’MON, JUMP IN AND TAKE A GUESS…. IT’S FUN

 

Are you kidding me!??

Can you believe this? Tonight, I was early to work, I ended up driving around for a while because it was hard to find a parking space where night employees are designated to park. As I had NO luck, I drove down the ramp and saw a beauty of a spot. I turned my wheel and at the same time a woman was coming around the corner in her car. I motioned for her to go UP the ramp as there was room for her to get by, and I wasn’t moving due to the fact that I was going to back my car in.

I see this woman ALL the time, also an employee of this fine establishment. She pointed to the spot and said she was going to park there, I said, “No, I am parking here” getting ready to back in. She looks right at me, and screams “fucking bitch”. Now, I cannot hear her say this, I can see her anger and read her lips perfectly. I was so, so, astonished. Yeah, I have a trucker mouth but I know when to use it and when NOT to. This is one of those times you NEVER use it if you are at your place of employment. I was furious. It took me a few minutes to get out of my car because gathering my crap is never a small feat.

When I did get out of my car, I saw her walk by. I said, “Nice mouth.” and she sputtered something back. I said, “You kiss your mom with that thing?” and she was talk’n smack back.

As we were walking up, I was trying to swipe in with my badge and I turned to her and told her she was classless. She told me I was. I told her she was unprofessional. She told me I was for stealing her parking spot. Whatever.

I am taking the blame, however. Because the second I REACTED, she won. I should have never said one word to her one way or the other. When, oh when, am I ever going to learn that I’m PERFECT, and I don’t have to respond to such nonsense (*LOL*)

No, seriously, when I got to my department I was still steaming that this woman, who works in the same place as me, would be so ignorant. Just because we don’t work in the same department, doesn’t mean you can walk around campus swearing and cursing at people. Our paychecks come from the same place…

And now, I’m no longer angry about her, I could care less about her - I’m upset with myself because I let someone get a rise out of me.

Sorry Lord, I suck at life. I will try harder.

 

The Bachelor London Calling

Mmmm, yummy Matt.  This show is my weakness.  Truth be told, my 12 year old daughter and I *heart* him.  I have NEVER heard her say she thinks a boy/man is good looking one way or another in all her years but as we were watching, she blurted out, “We gotta move to London and find him!”  I said, “You think he’s cute?” and she was like, “Yeah! He’s gorgeous!”

We look forward to watching him the show together every Monday night.  Alexis and I think he’s the berries

So, the finale is on tonight.  It comes down to two women- I think Matt will pick Shayne because Chelsea is too bitchy.  UNLESS, it’s a trick to make us think he’s going to pick Shayne.  In that case, I’ll be pissed.  So, I’m officially putting my guess out there.  GO SHAYNE.

Matt ~ The Bachelor London Calling….

 

The sound that was heard all around the world….

WHOOT!  WHOOT!